1
00:00:07,874 --> 00:00:11,071
Hey, ladies and gentlemen, for the
first time ever in her new part-time job
2
00:00:11,144 --> 00:00:14,705
in the Public Health Department at City
Hall, it's Ann Meredith Perkins! Yay!
3
00:00:14,781 --> 00:00:16,715
Leslie, this is so nice!
4
00:00:16,816 --> 00:00:18,579
I put a poisonous gas
in one of these balloons,
5
00:00:18,685 --> 00:00:20,710
so if any of them pops,
you may die.
6
00:00:20,787 --> 00:00:23,221
No, April,
we would all die.
7
00:00:23,289 --> 00:00:27,316
Gases fill the volume of
whatever container they're in.
8
00:00:27,394 --> 00:00:28,554
School.
9
00:00:28,628 --> 00:00:30,994
We have activities every hour
on your first day.
10
00:00:31,064 --> 00:00:33,396
10:00 am, "Ann's first
day waffle explosion."
11
00:00:33,466 --> 00:00:35,934
11:00 a.m.,
"The start-paperwork jamboree."
12
00:00:36,002 --> 00:00:40,063
And then 12:00 noon sharp is
the inaugural "D-Ann-ce Party."
13
00:00:40,740 --> 00:00:42,571
Welcome to City Hall,
cupcake!
14
00:00:42,642 --> 00:00:45,133
How many of you are in here?
- There's seven.
15
00:00:45,211 --> 00:00:48,271
And you have an office mate. His name
is Stuart, and he's kind of a grouch.
16
00:00:48,348 --> 00:00:49,906
I have an office mate?
17
00:00:49,983 --> 00:00:52,110
Get these balloons
out of here.
18
00:00:53,153 --> 00:00:54,484
Hi, I'm Ann.
19
00:01:15,008 --> 00:01:16,066
Hey.
Hey.
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00:01:16,142 --> 00:01:19,043
Just to let you know, I gave the
senior center project to Donna.
21
00:01:19,112 --> 00:01:20,807
Sounds good.
The meeting's at 2:00?
22
00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:22,472
Yes. Conference room "C".
23
00:01:22,549 --> 00:01:24,483
Okay. I think
at some point,
24
00:01:24,551 --> 00:01:27,145
you and I should probably
make out with each other.
25
00:01:27,220 --> 00:01:28,278
Yeah, good call.
26
00:01:28,521 --> 00:01:30,546
The best part of any
relationship is the beginning.
27
00:01:30,890 --> 00:01:32,482
No problems, no fights.
28
00:01:32,559 --> 00:01:35,255
Just white wine, cuddling,
29
00:01:35,328 --> 00:01:39,492
and crazy amounts of History
Channel documentaries.
30
00:01:40,166 --> 00:01:42,430
Hey, we should take separate
cars to the restaurant tonight.
31
00:01:42,502 --> 00:01:45,266
Chris is deadly serious about this...
I know.
32
00:01:45,338 --> 00:01:48,466
I just don't wanna talk about it, okay?
I'll see you tonight.
33
00:01:48,741 --> 00:01:53,906
Okay. By the way, I have a
meeting with Marlene Griggs-Knope.
34
00:01:54,447 --> 00:01:56,347
Is that any relation?
35
00:01:56,716 --> 00:01:57,705
No.
36
00:01:57,784 --> 00:01:58,808
Oh, okay.
37
00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:02,080
Just a coincidence. We get it
all the time. We laugh about it.
38
00:02:02,489 --> 00:02:03,649
But I've never met her.
39
00:02:03,723 --> 00:02:05,918
She's Filipino.
Okay, bye.
40
00:02:08,161 --> 00:02:10,152
Why don't you just tell Ben
she's your mother?
41
00:02:10,230 --> 00:02:13,324
Because Ben and I are in this
amazing little bubble right now,
42
00:02:13,399 --> 00:02:15,026
and there's
no room in here
43
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:18,935
for Chris' stupid rules about us not
dating or my ball-busting mother.
44
00:02:19,005 --> 00:02:21,940
Leslie, I'm sorry, but I don't
think you thought this through.
45
00:02:22,008 --> 00:02:23,873
You know what I should do?
I should get my mother
46
00:02:23,943 --> 00:02:25,911
a one-way ticket to London,
leaving today.
47
00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:27,571
And that way,
Ben never has to meet her
48
00:02:27,647 --> 00:02:30,343
and I could visit her in London.
Everybody wins.
49
00:02:30,450 --> 00:02:32,884
What if he sees a picture
of her on your desk?
50
00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:35,079
What if Marlene says, "Hey,
have you met my daughter, Leslie?
51
00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:36,554
"She works in
the Parks Department."
52
00:02:37,390 --> 00:02:39,620
Stuart, please,
could you give us, like, 45 minutes?
53
00:02:39,893 --> 00:02:41,861
It's my office, too.
Stuart.
54
00:02:44,097 --> 00:02:45,223
That guy was rude.
55
00:02:45,465 --> 00:02:47,365
I feel that some
structural changes
56
00:02:47,433 --> 00:02:49,458
could really unlock
this department's potential.
57
00:02:50,203 --> 00:02:51,397
Jerry.
Mmm?
58
00:02:51,471 --> 00:02:53,666
I believe you are
capable of much more.
59
00:02:54,474 --> 00:02:55,634
I'm not.
Nonsense.
60
00:02:55,708 --> 00:02:57,198
Look in the mirror.
Huh?
61
00:02:57,377 --> 00:03:02,076
You are an intelligent, charismatic,
beautiful superhero.
62
00:03:02,148 --> 00:03:04,048
I'm making you head
of Public Relations,
63
00:03:04,117 --> 00:03:06,711
which means you'll be leading
the daily briefing sessions.
64
00:03:06,786 --> 00:03:07,912
Excellent idea.
65
00:03:07,987 --> 00:03:12,083
This is my favorite part about
having a new city manager.
66
00:03:12,158 --> 00:03:15,355
They always try to shake things up,
and their ideas are terrible,
67
00:03:15,461 --> 00:03:18,953
and it brings City Hall
to a grinding halt.
68
00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:22,490
I just grab a few donuts,
sit back, and enjoy the show.
69
00:03:23,002 --> 00:03:25,527
April, you are
too valuable
70
00:03:25,605 --> 00:03:27,368
to just be
Ron's assistant.
71
00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:29,908
So from now on,
you are a multitasking executive aide,
72
00:03:30,109 --> 00:03:31,576
assisting
the entire office.
73
00:03:31,644 --> 00:03:33,305
Is this a nightmare?
74
00:03:33,379 --> 00:03:34,710
April, wake up.
75
00:03:35,014 --> 00:03:36,106
Tom, I just wanna say
76
00:03:36,182 --> 00:03:40,585
that you are a wonderful employee
and a terrific human being.
77
00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:42,051
Meeting adjourned!
78
00:03:42,322 --> 00:03:43,653
Tom.
79
00:03:44,390 --> 00:03:45,982
I enjoy you.
80
00:03:46,092 --> 00:03:48,424
You know what else I enjoy?
Your entrepreneurial spirit.
81
00:03:48,761 --> 00:03:51,389
I did recently sell
my Chronicles of Riddick DVD
82
00:03:51,464 --> 00:03:53,125
on eBay for $10.
83
00:03:53,199 --> 00:03:54,928
Used the profits
to buy the Blu-ray.
84
00:03:55,001 --> 00:03:57,162
That's terrific.
I have an amazing project
85
00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:58,431
for someone
of your talents.
86
00:03:58,972 --> 00:04:00,234
You are going to digitize
87
00:04:00,306 --> 00:04:02,536
the entire city archives
up on the fourth floor.
88
00:04:02,609 --> 00:04:05,169
No! I hate the fourth floor!
Last time I was up there,
89
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:08,510
I saw someone buy crystal meth out of
a vending machine. It's a bad place.
90
00:04:08,615 --> 00:04:10,276
You won't be alone. Andy.
91
00:04:10,717 --> 00:04:13,481
Starting now,
you are nobody's shoeshine boy.
92
00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:16,985
Starting now, you are
an administrative assistant.
93
00:04:18,057 --> 00:04:19,991
For three weeks.
Then back to shoes.
94
00:04:20,059 --> 00:04:22,084
Chris!
95
00:04:22,161 --> 00:04:23,389
I wasn't super
paying attention
96
00:04:23,529 --> 00:04:24,757
to what you just said
that we'll be doing,
97
00:04:24,831 --> 00:04:26,264
but I will give
110 percent!
98
00:04:27,467 --> 00:04:30,561
Well, as soon as you repeat
yourself in a more interesting way.
99
00:04:31,404 --> 00:04:32,496
Hey, Ben.
100
00:04:32,639 --> 00:04:33,765
Hey, what's up?
101
00:04:33,873 --> 00:04:35,704
Nothing much. Since I'm here,
I just wanted to let you know
102
00:04:35,775 --> 00:04:37,299
that Marlene
Griggs-Knope is my mom.
103
00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:39,908
What? Why...
104
00:04:39,979 --> 00:04:42,072
Also, she can be
cruel and difficult,
105
00:04:42,148 --> 00:04:43,672
and she makes snap
judgments about people
106
00:04:43,816 --> 00:04:45,340
that she holds on to
for a very long time.
107
00:04:45,418 --> 00:04:46,476
And she's kind of a bully.
108
00:04:46,552 --> 00:04:48,179
Okay! Go in there,
you're gonna be great.
109
00:04:48,254 --> 00:04:51,189
God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
I'm sorry. Here. Sorry!
110
00:04:52,225 --> 00:04:53,419
Hello.
111
00:04:53,493 --> 00:04:54,790
I'm Mr. Ben Wyatt.
112
00:04:55,261 --> 00:04:56,990
Looks like you got
some shirt on your coffee.
113
00:04:57,063 --> 00:04:58,860
Yeah. You know
what happened?
114
00:04:58,931 --> 00:05:02,162
I spilled it,
but you know how it goes.
115
00:05:03,069 --> 00:05:04,127
Fun anecdote.
116
00:05:04,570 --> 00:05:07,437
The county school district
needs four new school buses.
117
00:05:07,507 --> 00:05:09,407
I'm being stonewalled
by the board,
118
00:05:09,542 --> 00:05:11,476
and I'm hoping your office
can help us out.
119
00:05:11,544 --> 00:05:12,806
Okay.
120
00:05:13,579 --> 00:05:15,171
Really? That's it?
121
00:05:15,248 --> 00:05:18,308
Yeah. Actually, no. It...
122
00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:20,543
It's probably not possible.
123
00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:22,119
Then I'm confused, Ben,
124
00:05:22,588 --> 00:05:24,180
because you just
told me it was.
125
00:05:24,257 --> 00:05:25,417
Five seconds ago.
126
00:05:26,592 --> 00:05:29,425
I got a second box of donuts,
if anybody...
127
00:05:30,563 --> 00:05:31,996
What the is this?
128
00:05:32,065 --> 00:05:34,966
This, Mr. Director,
is your new desk.
129
00:05:35,268 --> 00:05:36,326
Okay.
130
00:05:36,402 --> 00:05:37,994
This desk is the epitome
131
00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:40,665
of the Swedish
concept of j�mst�lldhet,
132
00:05:40,740 --> 00:05:42,367
or "equality."
133
00:05:42,442 --> 00:05:43,773
Imagine someone
needs your attention.
134
00:05:43,843 --> 00:05:44,867
Somebody say my name.
135
00:05:44,944 --> 00:05:45,968
Chris.
136
00:05:46,379 --> 00:05:48,438
Swivel! What is it, Jerry?
137
00:05:48,514 --> 00:05:50,004
You told me
to say your name.
138
00:05:50,083 --> 00:05:51,573
And you did
a great job, superstar.
139
00:05:52,051 --> 00:05:53,211
Someone else
say something.
140
00:05:53,286 --> 00:05:54,310
You look like a freak.
141
00:05:54,387 --> 00:05:55,854
Swivel!
142
00:05:55,922 --> 00:05:57,753
April, that is not
a very good attitude.
143
00:05:57,824 --> 00:05:59,621
I will keep my eye on you
144
00:05:59,692 --> 00:06:01,626
from my circular desk
where I can see everything.
145
00:06:01,694 --> 00:06:04,094
Tiny swivel.
See how it works?
146
00:06:04,530 --> 00:06:08,057
What about my office
and its many walls?
147
00:06:08,167 --> 00:06:10,601
That becomes a new
public waiting room.
148
00:06:10,670 --> 00:06:12,467
And we got rid of
that giant pillar
149
00:06:12,605 --> 00:06:14,436
that was in front
of your door.
150
00:06:14,507 --> 00:06:15,735
I loved that pillar.
151
00:06:15,808 --> 00:06:17,833
It made it really annoying
to stand in my doorway.
152
00:06:18,010 --> 00:06:20,240
Well, get over it,
because it's gone.
153
00:06:20,646 --> 00:06:23,479
You're gonna be more
accessible than ever.
154
00:06:27,653 --> 00:06:29,917
The fourth floor.
Small claims court,
155
00:06:29,989 --> 00:06:32,355
divorce filings,
state-ordered drug tests.
156
00:06:32,725 --> 00:06:35,125
It's somehow both
freezing and humid.
157
00:06:35,194 --> 00:06:37,025
There's a whole room
on the fourth floor
158
00:06:37,163 --> 00:06:39,097
where they store the knives
they've confiscated from people
159
00:06:39,165 --> 00:06:41,292
who went to the fourth floor
to stab someone.
160
00:06:43,202 --> 00:06:45,102
You from Parks and Rec?
Yeah.
161
00:06:45,171 --> 00:06:47,162
I'm here to
show you around.
162
00:06:47,540 --> 00:06:49,371
Nice to meet you, ma'am.
What's your name?
163
00:06:49,442 --> 00:06:52,411
Ethel Beavers.
Follow me.
164
00:06:53,346 --> 00:06:55,576
Okay, this is you.
165
00:06:56,215 --> 00:06:57,477
Oh, wow!
166
00:06:57,784 --> 00:06:59,911
Double computers?
167
00:07:00,386 --> 00:07:01,944
I get my own
office phone.
168
00:07:02,021 --> 00:07:03,249
Hello, Wall Street.
169
00:07:03,322 --> 00:07:05,483
Buy more stocks. Now.
170
00:07:05,558 --> 00:07:06,889
This phone kind of
smells like a butt.
171
00:07:06,959 --> 00:07:08,586
Try not to move
things around.
172
00:07:08,661 --> 00:07:12,028
Because technically speaking,
this is still a crime scene.
173
00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:13,690
Here's your name tags.
174
00:07:14,500 --> 00:07:15,592
Here.
175
00:07:16,402 --> 00:07:17,994
Ethel, this shirt is
from Theory.
176
00:07:18,070 --> 00:07:20,004
Name tags make holes.
I'm not wearing this.
177
00:07:20,139 --> 00:07:21,629
Do what you want.
178
00:07:23,242 --> 00:07:25,005
Bye, Ethel!
Damn it.
179
00:07:25,311 --> 00:07:28,075
Remind me next time to ask her
where she was when Lincoln got shot.
180
00:07:28,147 --> 00:07:31,742
"Remind...
Tom... Ask... Something."
181
00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:33,312
You got it, boss.
182
00:07:33,653 --> 00:07:35,985
Hey! Somebody made
somebody a mix!
183
00:07:36,055 --> 00:07:37,852
And I definitely heard your
feedback from last time,
184
00:07:37,924 --> 00:07:40,916
so I only put five Sarah
McLachlan songs on this one.
185
00:07:40,993 --> 00:07:43,757
Cool. Should we talk about
how you claimed your mom
186
00:07:43,830 --> 00:07:45,730
was a Filipino woman
you'd never met?
187
00:07:45,798 --> 00:07:46,890
Should we?
188
00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:50,659
I was just trying to
delay the inevitable.
189
00:07:50,937 --> 00:07:53,132
If this turns
into something real,
190
00:07:53,206 --> 00:07:55,538
then we are gonna have
to deal with Chris' rule,
191
00:07:55,641 --> 00:07:58,667
and parents,
and annoying flossing habits,
192
00:07:58,744 --> 00:08:00,371
and a lot of un-fun stuff.
193
00:08:00,446 --> 00:08:02,141
But not yet.
194
00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:04,911
I just want to enjoy the
bubble for a little while.
195
00:08:06,185 --> 00:08:07,209
I'm sorry.
196
00:08:07,787 --> 00:08:09,652
Everything's good?
No, it's not.
197
00:08:09,722 --> 00:08:12,657
I was completely flustered.
I came off like an idiot.
198
00:08:12,925 --> 00:08:14,324
I mean, at one point,
for no reason,
199
00:08:14,393 --> 00:08:16,827
I just took off my shoes
and held them in my hand.
200
00:08:16,929 --> 00:08:20,092
I'm gonna go ask her how it went,
and I bet she loved you.
201
00:08:21,267 --> 00:08:22,859
I loved him!
202
00:08:23,269 --> 00:08:26,295
He's a total pushover.
203
00:08:26,372 --> 00:08:28,431
Very odd guy, though.
204
00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:31,773
He's like a goofy,
spineless jellyfish.
205
00:08:33,279 --> 00:08:34,746
Why do you ask,
sweetheart?
206
00:08:35,448 --> 00:08:36,745
No reason.
207
00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:40,315
Don't worry about it.
It's totally fine.
208
00:08:40,386 --> 00:08:41,648
No, it's not fine.
209
00:08:41,721 --> 00:08:44,383
What if she starts going around
telling people I'm a pushover?
210
00:08:44,457 --> 00:08:45,651
No one's gonna
believe that.
211
00:08:45,725 --> 00:08:48,592
When I first met you,
I thought you were a fascist hard-ass.
212
00:08:48,661 --> 00:08:50,686
What?
A cute fascist hard-ass,
213
00:08:50,763 --> 00:08:52,993
but still,
you give off a very...
214
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:56,935
Education Department now officially
requesting 10 school buses.
215
00:08:57,737 --> 00:08:59,500
I thought they
only wanted four.
216
00:08:59,572 --> 00:09:02,769
Well, now that I'm a pushover,
why not ask for 10, or 20,
217
00:09:02,842 --> 00:09:05,811
or 100 new school buses
and a fleet of school yachts?
218
00:09:05,878 --> 00:09:07,971
How about that?
Here's what we're gonna do.
219
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:11,608
You are gonna tell me everything
there is to know about your mom.
220
00:09:11,684 --> 00:09:13,345
And I'm gonna have
another meeting with her,
221
00:09:13,419 --> 00:09:14,477
and we're gonna
have it out.
222
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:16,579
Or we could go to Belize
223
00:09:16,656 --> 00:09:18,954
and go scuba diving.
And we could look at the whale sharks.
224
00:09:19,025 --> 00:09:20,890
You're certified, right?
Let's get you certified.
225
00:09:25,298 --> 00:09:27,994
April, do you have that usage
report that I asked for?
226
00:09:31,837 --> 00:09:33,031
Anything for you, Jerry.
227
00:09:33,172 --> 00:09:34,400
Thank you.
228
00:09:34,507 --> 00:09:36,907
Oh, come on. Why?
229
00:09:37,343 --> 00:09:39,277
Excuse me.
230
00:09:39,345 --> 00:09:42,974
There's a sign at Ramsett Park that says
"Do not drink the sprinkler water,"
231
00:09:43,082 --> 00:09:46,643
so I made sun tea with it,
and now I have an infection.
232
00:09:46,752 --> 00:09:48,219
Sir?
233
00:09:48,487 --> 00:09:51,615
Sir, are...
Are you listening to me, sir?
234
00:09:51,691 --> 00:09:54,159
Sir, I'm talking to you!
235
00:09:54,226 --> 00:09:55,557
Sir!
236
00:09:55,628 --> 00:09:57,653
Sir, are you aware
237
00:09:57,730 --> 00:10:01,928
that there is waste
in your water system?
238
00:10:02,001 --> 00:10:04,834
Okay, you need to be strong,
powerful, decisive.
239
00:10:04,904 --> 00:10:06,929
This is not a meeting.
It's a battle.
240
00:10:07,006 --> 00:10:08,974
Normal meeting rules
do not apply.
241
00:10:09,041 --> 00:10:11,874
I'll be my mom and I'm gonna
be very harsh with you,
242
00:10:11,978 --> 00:10:13,206
and it's only
because I like you a lot.
243
00:10:13,980 --> 00:10:15,140
Okay.
Go!
244
00:10:18,250 --> 00:10:19,342
Hello.
Wrong.
245
00:10:19,418 --> 00:10:21,409
What? No preambles.
No introductions.
246
00:10:21,487 --> 00:10:22,886
Just walk in
and start talking.
247
00:10:23,489 --> 00:10:25,423
I'd like to discuss
the new school bus.
248
00:10:25,491 --> 00:10:28,949
I'd like to discuss
your rhyming, Dr. Seuss.
249
00:10:29,261 --> 00:10:31,195
And you should be sitting by now.
What?
250
00:10:31,263 --> 00:10:32,389
Just walk in
and take a seat.
251
00:10:32,598 --> 00:10:35,533
Um...
"Um" is the sound in "dumb."
252
00:10:35,601 --> 00:10:36,761
That's what she
says to people.
253
00:10:36,836 --> 00:10:38,463
And now you've crossed
your legs like a woman.
254
00:10:38,537 --> 00:10:40,164
God!
Okay, should we just start over?
255
00:10:40,239 --> 00:10:42,002
No.
No, we need to put a pin in this.
256
00:10:42,074 --> 00:10:46,101
Here is a list of my mother's top
100 favorite conversation topics,
257
00:10:46,178 --> 00:10:48,476
starting with Persian rugs,
ending with Daniel Craig.
258
00:10:48,547 --> 00:10:50,742
You have 10 minutes
to memorize it.
259
00:10:50,983 --> 00:10:53,008
Deliverance, the movie?
Mmm-hmm.
260
00:10:53,085 --> 00:10:54,245
Oh, God.
261
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:56,982
So Jerry is, like,
basically my boss now,
262
00:10:57,056 --> 00:10:58,785
which I'm never
gonna work for him.
263
00:10:58,858 --> 00:11:01,122
Ron's trapped in
this weird desk prison,
264
00:11:01,193 --> 00:11:04,390
and I now work at this
traveling IV station.
265
00:11:04,463 --> 00:11:06,226
This Mort Jansen's office?
266
00:11:06,432 --> 00:11:07,490
Nope.
267
00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:18,537
Tell Mort I said
"Your move."
268
00:11:21,981 --> 00:11:23,915
Oh, my God.
I wanna work up here
269
00:11:23,983 --> 00:11:25,245
with you guys.
This is awesome.
270
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,653
How many more of those stupid
documents do you have to scan?
271
00:11:27,787 --> 00:11:32,121
Just this one,
and all the ones in those boxes.
272
00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:34,053
I gotta get out
of here pronto.
273
00:11:34,126 --> 00:11:36,651
Time to get those old ladies
to do my work for me.
274
00:11:36,729 --> 00:11:40,165
How? By shining down on them
with the Haverford charm ray.
275
00:11:42,868 --> 00:11:43,960
Well, well, well.
276
00:11:44,203 --> 00:11:45,966
If it isn't Ethel Beavers.
277
00:11:46,038 --> 00:11:47,903
What's up, beautiful?
278
00:11:47,973 --> 00:11:50,339
Julianne Moore just called.
She wants her hair back.
279
00:11:51,744 --> 00:11:54,440
Nobody named Julien called.
280
00:11:54,513 --> 00:11:57,311
Never mind. I just need to
ask you a couple of questions.
281
00:11:57,683 --> 00:12:00,777
One, can you help me out
with this project we're doing?
282
00:12:01,087 --> 00:12:02,384
And, two,
283
00:12:03,022 --> 00:12:05,957
will you please invite me
to your 30th birthday party?
284
00:12:08,794 --> 00:12:09,988
What are you doing?
285
00:12:10,062 --> 00:12:12,826
I'm making a test call to your
phone to make sure it's working
286
00:12:12,898 --> 00:12:15,059
so you don't miss
any more calls.
287
00:12:15,167 --> 00:12:16,395
You know what?
Don't bother.
288
00:12:16,469 --> 00:12:18,903
Maybe I'll just find an open
window and plummet to my death.
289
00:12:18,971 --> 00:12:20,336
Okay.
290
00:12:22,408 --> 00:12:24,273
This isn't gonna work.
291
00:12:25,611 --> 00:12:28,705
Okay, you did not just swivel
away while I was talking to you.
292
00:12:28,781 --> 00:12:32,649
This spaceship keyboard is
driving me crazy.
293
00:12:32,718 --> 00:12:36,017
I'm down to one word a minute,
and the word is "perflipisklup"
294
00:12:36,088 --> 00:12:38,420
because I can't
fly spaceships.
295
00:12:38,891 --> 00:12:40,552
Donna, you know
as well as I do
296
00:12:40,659 --> 00:12:43,150
these city manager shakeups
always peter out.
297
00:12:43,229 --> 00:12:44,389
You just have to wait.
298
00:12:44,530 --> 00:12:45,690
Usually I'm with you.
299
00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:48,461
But this is Chris Traeger,
the six million dollar man.
300
00:12:48,534 --> 00:12:49,626
He won't quit.
301
00:12:49,702 --> 00:12:51,863
So you need to swivel
your ass down to his office
302
00:12:51,937 --> 00:12:53,461
and have a word with him.
303
00:12:54,373 --> 00:12:55,897
Mommy.
Oh!
304
00:12:56,709 --> 00:13:00,543
That is so thoughtful
of you.
305
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:01,978
Of course!
306
00:13:02,047 --> 00:13:06,313
I just figured, hey,
why not put my mother in a good mood?
307
00:13:06,685 --> 00:13:10,143
So, it's my understanding that
despite what I said in our meeting,
308
00:13:10,222 --> 00:13:13,658
you have somehow increased your
request for more school buses.
309
00:13:14,527 --> 00:13:16,757
Excuse me,
but I'm having coffee with my daughter.
310
00:13:16,829 --> 00:13:18,353
Maybe we could do
this another time.
311
00:13:18,430 --> 00:13:20,557
No, we're gonna
talk about this now.
312
00:13:21,500 --> 00:13:22,558
Or if you'd prefer,
313
00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:24,796
I could put a permanent freeze
on the education budget.
314
00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:26,462
It's your call.
315
00:13:26,572 --> 00:13:30,804
Wow, maybe you should talk to him, Mom.
He seems pretty self-assured.
316
00:13:32,211 --> 00:13:33,508
There's nothing left.
317
00:13:33,879 --> 00:13:34,937
It's over.
318
00:13:35,014 --> 00:13:37,380
Hey, hey, hey, don't say that.
Now, come on.
319
00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:39,815
Get yourself together
320
00:13:39,919 --> 00:13:43,821
and go out there and be the woman
you always knew you could be.
321
00:13:44,356 --> 00:13:46,017
Thank you so much.
322
00:13:48,460 --> 00:13:49,449
Who was that?
323
00:13:49,595 --> 00:13:50,584
I don't know.
324
00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:53,097
I saw her crying,
and so I helped.
325
00:13:54,233 --> 00:13:55,530
What did you wanna
talk to me about?
326
00:13:55,601 --> 00:13:57,535
Look, Chris,
I'm very flattered
327
00:13:57,603 --> 00:13:59,696
you thought of me
for this amazing opportunity,
328
00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:02,832
but I don't really know if
this gig is in my wheelhouse.
329
00:14:02,908 --> 00:14:05,001
I tend to work best
with young, attractive people.
330
00:14:05,077 --> 00:14:07,739
Tom, I have made you
a project leader.
331
00:14:07,813 --> 00:14:09,007
This is a big deal!
332
00:14:09,081 --> 00:14:10,480
You should keep
an open mind.
333
00:14:10,549 --> 00:14:13,541
Let your brain unlock the door
to your heart's future.
334
00:14:13,953 --> 00:14:15,750
I made that expression up
when I was 14.
335
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:18,722
Still in use today.
By me. Gotta jam.
336
00:14:20,159 --> 00:14:21,888
You know what?
It's just not possible.
337
00:14:21,961 --> 00:14:23,758
And don't even bother
trying to outflank me either,
338
00:14:23,829 --> 00:14:24,955
because you will fail.
339
00:14:25,264 --> 00:14:27,357
Where did all this confidence
come from all of a sudden?
340
00:14:27,433 --> 00:14:28,730
Hey, guys, come on.
Let's relax.
341
00:14:28,834 --> 00:14:30,802
You know, Ms. Griggs-Knope...
Marlene.
342
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:32,394
There's probably
a compromise here.
343
00:14:32,471 --> 00:14:34,336
Compromise is usually
a sign of weakness.
344
00:14:34,406 --> 00:14:36,499
Yes, it is, according to
Andrew Carnegie.
345
00:14:36,842 --> 00:14:38,810
But your demands remind me
of a different quote,
346
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:40,368
from the great
Bill Watterson.
347
00:14:41,146 --> 00:14:43,808
"You need a lobotomy.
I'll get a saw."
348
00:14:44,817 --> 00:14:47,308
I love Calvin and Hobbes.
Me, too!
349
00:14:49,521 --> 00:14:52,115
I gotta say,
this is some of my best work.
350
00:14:52,191 --> 00:14:54,216
This could not
have gone better.
351
00:14:54,293 --> 00:14:56,090
They are really
hitting it off.
352
00:14:56,195 --> 00:14:58,561
Thank God. Crisis averted.
353
00:15:01,100 --> 00:15:03,830
Well, I am very glad
you came back up here.
354
00:15:05,471 --> 00:15:06,563
Yeah, me too.
355
00:15:06,639 --> 00:15:08,231
Yeah...
So you have a deal.
356
00:15:08,340 --> 00:15:09,932
Well, let me
mull everything over,
357
00:15:10,009 --> 00:15:12,910
and then we can reconnect
and hash things out.
358
00:15:13,479 --> 00:15:16,209
It might get rough,
but that can be fun.
359
00:15:16,282 --> 00:15:18,147
Ben can handle it.
Yep, I can.
360
00:15:18,217 --> 00:15:19,684
Okay, great.
361
00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:21,913
It was a pleasure.
Oh! Mmm-hmm.
362
00:15:24,490 --> 00:15:25,980
What's so great is,
she was impressed by you, too.
363
00:15:26,058 --> 00:15:27,150
I mean, you could
tell instantly.
364
00:15:27,226 --> 00:15:29,126
The way you guys were
connecting was really amazing.
365
00:15:29,194 --> 00:15:30,286
Now, what I'm thinking
is that maybe
366
00:15:30,429 --> 00:15:31,521
we should go over
to her house...
367
00:15:32,164 --> 00:15:35,429
You two are just the
cutest things on four legs!
368
00:15:35,501 --> 00:15:37,264
But why so much black?
369
00:15:37,336 --> 00:15:38,860
It's like you're
going to a funeral.
370
00:15:39,071 --> 00:15:40,333
She's got a point, babe.
371
00:15:40,472 --> 00:15:41,769
So, marry her then.
372
00:15:42,007 --> 00:15:43,167
I wish!
373
00:15:43,742 --> 00:15:45,801
Hey, sorry to
interrupt the love fest,
374
00:15:45,878 --> 00:15:47,607
but can you hand me that
folder there, please, Ethel?
375
00:15:48,981 --> 00:15:50,005
Oh, great.
376
00:15:50,082 --> 00:15:51,447
Why you gotta be
like that, Ethel?
377
00:15:51,517 --> 00:15:54,179
Looks like someone got up
on the wrong side of the crib.
378
00:15:55,621 --> 00:15:56,849
Stop laughing, Muriel.
379
00:15:58,123 --> 00:15:59,488
Stop it!
380
00:16:00,125 --> 00:16:01,456
I gotta say,
I'm a genius.
381
00:16:01,527 --> 00:16:03,722
The only thing my mom loves
more than music boxes
382
00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:05,320
is McSteamy from
Grey's Anatomy.
383
00:16:05,397 --> 00:16:09,163
So, I made her
a McSteamy-style music box,
384
00:16:09,234 --> 00:16:11,794
and I thought maybe you could give
it to her. She would love you for it.
385
00:16:11,870 --> 00:16:13,997
I think maybe that's
not such a good idea.
386
00:16:14,106 --> 00:16:17,098
Why? I mean,
it's not the best picture of him, but...
387
00:16:17,443 --> 00:16:19,206
Your mom kind of,
388
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:22,269
um,
389
00:16:23,048 --> 00:16:24,709
made a pass at me.
390
00:16:27,353 --> 00:16:29,446
So,
Webster's dictionary
391
00:16:29,621 --> 00:16:31,589
describes a pork as a...
392
00:16:31,724 --> 00:16:33,624
No, it's park... Park.
393
00:16:34,159 --> 00:16:36,252
I'm sorry. Geez, okay. So...
394
00:16:37,229 --> 00:16:39,060
You know what,
can we start over?
395
00:16:39,131 --> 00:16:40,530
Let's... Let's go
from the first thing.
396
00:16:40,599 --> 00:16:42,863
I said, pork, which...
By the way,
397
00:16:42,935 --> 00:16:45,529
they have a great pork sandwich
in the cafeteria today.
398
00:16:45,771 --> 00:16:47,671
Ron Swanson.
Chris.
399
00:16:47,740 --> 00:16:52,302
You have come up with a plan
so spectacularly horrible
400
00:16:52,378 --> 00:16:54,369
that it might ruin
the entire department.
401
00:16:54,446 --> 00:16:56,812
Now, wait a minute.
I mean that as a compliment.
402
00:16:57,249 --> 00:16:58,682
So, it pains me
to say this.
403
00:16:59,351 --> 00:17:01,581
My department has to go back
to the way it was.
404
00:17:01,653 --> 00:17:03,143
Give them time.
They'll adjust.
405
00:17:03,222 --> 00:17:05,554
No, they won't.
They're miserable.
406
00:17:06,492 --> 00:17:09,120
Tom only performs when
there's someone to impress,
407
00:17:09,228 --> 00:17:12,561
so marooning him on Freak
Island isn't helping anyone.
408
00:17:12,631 --> 00:17:16,397
And you made April assistant to
everyone? You know who April hates?
409
00:17:17,469 --> 00:17:19,130
Everyone.
410
00:17:19,204 --> 00:17:21,934
And Jerry can only function
if no one's looking.
411
00:17:22,007 --> 00:17:23,133
You shine a light on him,
412
00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:25,904
and he shrinks up faster
than an Eskimo's scrotum.
413
00:17:26,011 --> 00:17:27,535
Well, that's
very perceptive, Ron.
414
00:17:27,613 --> 00:17:29,410
And, very graphic.
415
00:17:29,848 --> 00:17:30,906
I understand your point,
416
00:17:30,983 --> 00:17:33,451
but there's no way that I
can just roll over on this.
417
00:17:35,721 --> 00:17:37,780
Okay.
418
00:17:37,856 --> 00:17:40,984
You won't ever hear me say this again,
so savor this moment.
419
00:17:43,662 --> 00:17:45,823
I may have a compromise.
420
00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:47,889
Look, she was just
flirting a little.
421
00:17:47,966 --> 00:17:50,366
I'm sure she's not
really interested in me.
422
00:17:50,436 --> 00:17:52,495
Oh, my God.
I can't even have this conversation.
423
00:17:52,571 --> 00:17:53,902
The whole thing
is screwed up now.
424
00:17:54,506 --> 00:17:56,269
There's so many ways
to destroy a bubble,
425
00:17:56,341 --> 00:17:59,674
but my mom flirting with you
is number one on the list.
426
00:18:00,012 --> 00:18:01,912
And I'm sorry,
I have to say this,
427
00:18:02,014 --> 00:18:03,811
were you asking
for it in any way?
428
00:18:04,216 --> 00:18:05,274
No!
429
00:18:05,350 --> 00:18:06,817
How were you dressed?
Oh, my God.
430
00:18:06,885 --> 00:18:08,614
I was wearing this.
Here's what we do.
431
00:18:08,687 --> 00:18:10,450
You issue
a government-wide memo
432
00:18:10,522 --> 00:18:12,387
about sexual harassment,
and then you go to Mexico.
433
00:18:12,825 --> 00:18:14,656
Just for
a couple of weeks.
434
00:18:14,793 --> 00:18:16,784
Where are you going? Ben!
435
00:18:17,262 --> 00:18:18,991
Ben! Wait. Just... Hey...
436
00:18:20,299 --> 00:18:21,391
Hi, Mom.
437
00:18:21,467 --> 00:18:23,435
Hi again.
Leslie and I are dating.
438
00:18:24,136 --> 00:18:25,160
We haven't told anyone
439
00:18:25,237 --> 00:18:27,603
because there's a rule
against office relationships.
440
00:18:27,673 --> 00:18:29,197
But it's happening.
441
00:18:29,274 --> 00:18:31,674
I'm sorry we didn't tell you
before you touched my knee,
442
00:18:31,743 --> 00:18:33,472
and I trust you
won't tell anyone now
443
00:18:33,612 --> 00:18:35,341
since it could get
your daughter fired.
444
00:18:42,521 --> 00:18:44,785
That is hilarious.
445
00:18:45,524 --> 00:18:47,389
That's what
we thought, too.
446
00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:49,354
Well...
447
00:18:51,563 --> 00:18:52,587
Four buses.
448
00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:54,231
Two.
Deal.
449
00:18:59,738 --> 00:19:01,069
I like this one.
450
00:19:01,707 --> 00:19:02,901
Me, too.
451
00:19:03,375 --> 00:19:05,502
You keep your hands off him.
452
00:19:06,411 --> 00:19:08,811
Margaret's pecan squares.
453
00:19:09,414 --> 00:19:11,644
They are like crack.
I brought you one.
454
00:19:11,750 --> 00:19:13,183
How are you so
happy working here?
455
00:19:13,352 --> 00:19:15,877
I don't know, man. It's not that bad.
A year ago, I lived in a pit.
456
00:19:15,954 --> 00:19:18,889
Now I got a job,
and a kickass wife.
457
00:19:18,957 --> 00:19:21,221
And my band is so good,
458
00:19:21,293 --> 00:19:23,557
and are you gonna eat
that pecan square?
459
00:19:27,866 --> 00:19:31,893
When life gives you lemons,
make lemonade.
460
00:19:32,404 --> 00:19:34,872
I read that once on
a can of lemonade.
461
00:19:34,940 --> 00:19:37,135
But I like to think
that it applies to life.
462
00:19:38,443 --> 00:19:39,933
I don't want lemonade.
463
00:19:40,112 --> 00:19:42,512
It's too sweet and it makes
my tongue feel gritty.
464
00:19:42,614 --> 00:19:44,343
So maybe it's
time for a change.
465
00:19:44,650 --> 00:19:46,880
Starting now,
when life gives me lemons,
466
00:19:47,085 --> 00:19:48,814
I'm gonna slice
them up into wedges
467
00:19:49,087 --> 00:19:51,021
and throw them
into vodka tonics,
468
00:19:51,089 --> 00:19:53,887
which I will then sip
in a burlesque nightclub
469
00:19:53,959 --> 00:19:58,328
that I co-own with actor Taye Diggs
and two of the Pussycat Dolls.
470
00:20:01,333 --> 00:20:02,493
Here you go.
471
00:20:02,568 --> 00:20:04,035
Thank you.
472
00:20:09,575 --> 00:20:11,543
Kind of figured you'd be
back in your office by now.
473
00:20:11,810 --> 00:20:14,108
Well, you know how
new city managers are.
474
00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:16,807
Seems like everyone
else is back to normal.
475
00:20:18,283 --> 00:20:20,308
How long do you have to do this?
A week.
476
00:20:22,054 --> 00:20:24,648
Citizen request.
Swivel, swivel, swivel.
477
00:20:24,723 --> 00:20:27,487
Hello. I can
help you in here, sir.
478
00:20:32,965 --> 00:20:35,456
Oh, man, you're really
screwing this up.
479
00:20:35,867 --> 00:20:39,359
I'm gone for one day and this
entire shoe shine stand falls apart.
480
00:20:39,438 --> 00:20:40,769
Everything I built.
481
00:20:41,173 --> 00:20:42,401
Jump up here.
I'll show you how it's done.
482
00:20:43,308 --> 00:20:44,900
See, your problem is
you're thinking too much.
483
00:20:46,511 --> 00:20:48,570
Wow. You're
really good at this.
484
00:20:48,647 --> 00:20:50,080
Yes. I am.
485
00:20:50,148 --> 00:20:51,376
When I come back
here in a few weeks,
486
00:20:51,450 --> 00:20:53,918
I don't want all my regular customers
to not be here waiting for me
487
00:20:53,986 --> 00:20:55,715
because somebody
screwed it up.
488
00:20:56,722 --> 00:20:57,711
Huh?
489
00:20:57,823 --> 00:20:58,847
Thanks.
490
00:20:58,991 --> 00:21:00,015
No problem.
491
00:21:00,492 --> 00:21:01,857
See you later, kid.
Wow.
492
00:21:01,927 --> 00:21:03,861
What a moron.